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  Fae tenses at the mention of Cassie. She has been a taboo subject between us for eight years. I’ve never told anyone the full story of what happened the night she tried to kill me. No one had a clue how volatile our relationship had turned in the month leading up to that night. Cassie had been an Oscar-caliber actress to the outside world, but behind closed doors, she’d given free rein to her manic tendencies and I had been her target—her sick obsession. “I’ve tried to never push you about Cassie and I won’t now. I will say though, if you want a future with Lia, you have to tell her. You can’t move forward with her or recover from your addiction without sharing that load. You turned to cocaine as a coping mechanism. It will continue to be that for you until you deal with what pushed you in its direction to start with. That is the first step you must take. We can work on the rest after that.”

  “I don’t suppose I could just text her?” I ask, only half joking.

  My aunt tosses a sugar packet at me. “No, absolutely not.” To my horror, her eyes begin to water. I suppress the urge to run, thinking I can’t possibly deal with another emotional scene right now. “You really love her, don’t you? I mean, not just that, you’re in love with her.”

  I consider it a small victory that I don’t flinch as I answer, “Completely and absolutely. I can’t lose her.”

  Seeming much more confident than I do, she assures me, “You won’t. She might be upset right now, but she loves you as well. I’ve never been one to believe in soulmates, but if such a thing exists, you two are surely it. She brings out a side of you that I never thought I’d see.”

  “A nice guy?” I quip.

  “You’re ruining this moment for me,” she complains with a smile. “What I actually meant was that I see the boy in you before the man was forced into survival mode. You were always a serious one, but you had a big heart. That part of you was gone after Cassie. It took Lia to bring it back.”

  “Well, let’s hope she’s happy with what she has uncovered,” I say lightly even though I feel a fresh surge of anxiety. I had managed to distract myself from my earlier panic while talking with my aunt, but it’s back now and stronger than ever.

  “Everything you’ve been through is a part of who you are, Luc. We all have moments in life we’re not proud of. I don’t know what happened in your last days with Cassie—that’s none of my business. But, you need to share it with Lia so you can finally be free from carrying the burden by yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness to need someone to help and support you.” With a laugh, she adds, “And to kick your butt when you deserve it. I have a feeling that Lia can handle the job.”

  I smile, thinking my aunt knows Lia very well. “No doubt about it,” I agree. We both finish our coffee, making small talk. Truthfully, I’m dragging my feet like a pussy and talking to my aunt gives me a convenient excuse to do it. Her knowing look, when I continue to stall, lets me know she’s well aware of what I’m doing but is too nice to call me on it.

  “If it’s okay with you, Luc, I’m going to talk to a friend of mine who runs an alcohol treatment program. I know cocaine is different, but some of the withdrawal symptoms are similar I would imagine. Unless you plan to enter a facility to withdraw, which of course I would recommend, then we need a plan. I think Jeff would even see you on an outpatient basis.”

  “I’m not doing anything inpatient,” I reply immediately. “I know it might be better if I did, but there is just too much going on right now for that. If you trust this guy, I’m willing to talk to him about treatment. I’m not naive enough to think I can do it on my own. I didn’t use anything while Lia was in the hospital, but I was about to climb the walls. Stress is a trigger for me, which, of course, is impossible to avoid.”

  “I’ll talk to him today then. Call me later if you can and let me know how things go with Lia. Just remember that she’s been through a lot lately. Even if you want to order her to come back home with you immediately, you shouldn’t. If she needs time, then give it to her.”

  Frowning, I shake my head. “I can’t do that, Fae. I can’t fuc—breathe without her.”

  My aunt smiles at my attempt to cover my curse word. It’s not as if I don’t cuss around her, but I try to avoid the F-word. Holding a hand in the air, she asks, “Then why are we still here? I’m waiting for you to grab a paper and start reading it next. For a man on a mission, you’re rather slow-moving.”

  “As long as I’m here, I still have hope that she’s coming back home with me. Soon, all bets are off.” I get to my feet, knowing I can no longer delay.

  My aunt tells me that she’s going to stay and return some emails for a bit. “Good luck, Luc. Remember, just let Lia listen to you and then you do the same. Sometimes it’s as simple as that.” When I nod slowly, she gives me an encouraging smile. “Call me later.” Surprising us both, I drop a kiss onto her cheek before leaving. If my aunt’s reaction to a simple act of affection is any indication, I’ve been failing both of the women I love. Would the one woman I love more than anyone else in the world forgive my failings?

  Chapter Two

  Lia

  “So, are we talking castration here or just a bullet to the ass?” Rose asks, looking deadly serious. “I’m telling you, after being cheated on by pencil-dick Jake, I’m happy to take care of this for you.”

  I flop down onto the sofa next to her and run a hand through my hair. The fact that I don’t even know where to start is somewhat scary considering the shit I’ve lived through. Will there ever be a time that my life will be uneventful and boring? Most people wouldn’t wish for that like I do. Not that life with Lucian Quinn could ever be humdrum, but I’d be more than happy to meet him at the door each evening with a standard, “How was your day, dear?” No, not us though. I had to go and discover an absentee parent. When Rose sticks me in the side with her finger, I finally say, “I’m not ready to do him any bodily harm at this point, so hang tight.”

  “For you to leave him, Lia¸ it must be something major. You two are crazy about each other.”

  I rub absently at my chest, wondering if I’m too young to have pains there. I fear it’s actually just my heart hurting though. I’m reeling from my discovery today and I desperately need the man I love. Unfortunately, he discovered my father’s identify weeks ago and didn’t tell me. Because of him, I was completely blindsided earlier. I’m so angry and hurt that I alternate between wanting to scream and hit something to feeling the overwhelming urge to cry.

  Never in a million years could I have imagined a meeting with my college advisor would inadvertently trigger the revelation of my biological father’s identity. My mother had guarded his identity like a national secret. I had long ago resolved myself to the fact that I would never know who he was. In truth, after living with an abusive mother and then an even worse stepfather, I’d come to hate all thoughts of my real father. What kind of man would leave his child to endure the cruelty and malevolence I had? Certainly not a man I’d ever want to meet. Now though, everything I believed had been blown to bits. My father is a rich and powerful man, if the appearance of his offices were any indication. He had seemed genuinely shaken and distressed when I’d blasted him about leaving me behind with my mother. He claimed to have never had any knowledge of my existence and a part of me believed him, knowing how evil my mother was. Still though, it was a bit surprising she would choose to live a lesser lifestyle just to get back at him for leaving her behind. Maybe she thought he wouldn’t care or support her, but I had to think that the man I met today, who surrounded himself with his brother and niece, would have taken care of his obligations. She had even named me after him, either from some bit of nostalgia or as a sick joke. Knowing her, I would almost bet on the latter.

  Turning on the sofa to face Rose, I say, “I met my father today.”

  Her face goes ashen before color blooms back into her cheeks. Her mouth moves, but no sounds escape. She visibly swallows before saying huskily, “What? I thought you didn’t know who he was?”

 
; “I didn’t,” I admit, “but Lucian did. He found out and kept it from me. He said that he didn’t think I could handle any more stress after my attack.”

  Grabbing my arm, Rose whispers, “Oh my God, Lia. If he didn’t tell you, then how did you find out?”

  I tell her about my meeting at the college we both attend. I had been angry when my financial advisor had informed me that my semester’s tuition had been paid for. I had automatically assumed that Lucian had taken care of it, even though he’d promised me he wouldn’t. I had explained to him just that morning how important it was to me that I make it on my own. I had worked hard for years to acquire and keep my scholarships. I had asked my advisor to print a copy of payment receipt, intent on confronting Lucian with it. It wasn’t until I was back in the car that I saw the notation on the bottom saying the payment was from Lee Jacks with Falco Industries. At that point, I had felt like complete crap for being pissed at Lucian when it was actually just an error. With the financial office already closed, I’d looked up Falco Industries and had been happy the address was just across town. Never once had I considered I was on my way to meet Lee Jacks, my father. An unexpected series of events had led me straight to his door and I had been operating on pure adrenalin ever since.

  “Lucian came home as I was packing and tried to talk me out of leaving. He said…he loved me. Can you believe he finally said those words as I was stuffing my clothes into a bag, so angry with him that I couldn’t see straight? I swear I wanted to slug him, which makes me sick. I lived for years with a mother who thought hitting someone was the answer to all of her problems and at that moment, I felt just like her.”

  Taking my shoulders in her hands, she shakes me lightly. “Lia, that’s bullshit. I’d have wanted to deck him, too. Hell, I took a shovel to my ex-boyfriend’s tires and I’d have probably taken his kneecaps out as well if he’d been around. That doesn’t make me like your mother, well hopefully, and wanting to slap Lucian for keeping something so important from you, doesn’t make you a bad person either. It makes you human. I’d be worried if you weren’t angry with him.”

  Shuddering, I admit, “I don’t like feeling so out of control. I’ve always been proud of the fact that no matter what has gone on in my life, I still managed to stay calm. Showing emotion in my house only made everything worse. My mother thrived on getting a reaction from me. I finally figured out that she moved on faster if I just stayed impassive. Crying and yelling only fueled the fire. Being a boring wimp wasn’t a challenge for her. She didn’t enjoy hitting me if she couldn’t break me.”

  When Rose’s hand flies to her mouth, I realize what I’ve just said to her. Of course, she knows about my past, but I’ve tried to downplay what my everyday life was like for eighteen years. She’s not used to hearing me talk about it in such matter-of-fact terms, and I instantly regret doing it. If she starts crying, there is no way I’ll be able to hold it together. I’m too close to the edge. When her eyes squint, I brace myself for sympathy, but instead get, “That old dried-up cunt. If she weren’t already in prison, I’d be on her ass like stink-on-shit. She had better hope she never gets out. If she does, I’m picking her up from jail and taking her to an abandoned building somewhere.”

  I stare at Rose for a full minute, almost picturing the scene in my head. I swear I can see her throwing my mother into the trunk of her Prius then straightening her cashmere sweater before getting behind the wheel. She’d look in the rearview mirror to make sure she didn’t have a hair out of place, before adding a coat of pink lip-gloss. I begin laughing and I’m sorely afraid I’ll never stop. When Rose’s laughter mingles with mine, it only gets worse. My ribs are hurting and I can’t catch my breath. This is exactly what I needed—a moment of levity to counter my horrible day. The ringing of the doorbell cuts through the lighthearted moment like a knife. “Don’t answer it,” I say hesitantly, knowing I don’t really mean it. I’m still mad, hurt, and every other emotion in between, but a part of me can’t stay away from him. Nothing could have stopped me from walking out of his apartment earlier, but I fear there is little that will keep us apart. Our bond is too strong. He can no more give me my freedom than I can take it. Be it good or bad, we are bound to each other. I can only hope we both survive intact.

  Rose gets to her feet and looks at me. “What’s it gonna be? You know he already knows you’re here, but I’m game for ignoring the doorbell all night if you are. Of course, he’s likely to freak out and knock the door down or call the cops, so you need to factor that into your decision.”

  I begin to stand, but Rose waves me off. “I’ve got it. I need to have some fun out of this,” she adds with an evil grin. When she opens the door, I can make out the top of Lucian’s head, but she doesn’t let him across the threshold for at least two minutes. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s a good bet she’s making some threats. Finally, she moves aside and waves him in. I see his eyes searching the open floor plan apartment before landing on me. I see the look of relief cross his face and know he’s been worried. Brushing her hands together, Rose clears her throat loudly before saying, “Well, I think I’ll go call Max and tell him that I’m feeling the need to do something to Jake today. That should be enough to get him going. I love it when that man starts lecturing me.”

  Lucian stares after her as she walks off. I know he’s trying once again to reconcile the demure homemaker image she presents with the badass she truly is. He looks back to me and shakes his head. “That girl scares me. This might make me a pussy, but I’m glad she fixated on Max. Unfortunately for Jake, torturing him is her way to get to do it.”

  “Well, Jake kind of brought it on himself,” I point out, not really feeling sorry for Rose’s ex. Lucian looks a little uncomfortable at my statement. I guess guys sticking together is universal, even when they aren’t friends.

  Instead of commenting though, he walks over to where I’m sitting and lowers himself to the table in front of me. My legs are now between his larger ones and his hands are on my knees. It feels as if he’s trying to make certain I don’t run, which I have no intention of doing. I told him less than two hours ago that I didn’t want him to follow me until he was ready to talk about his past. If he’s here now, then I can only assume that’s what he’s going to do. He rubs a soothing circle on my thigh before saying, “I’m sorry, baby. That should have never happened to you today. I…didn’t know for sure before your attack that Lee was your father. His involvement with your mother was uncovered, but Lee himself didn’t approach me until after you were home from the hospital.”

  “It was when I came into your office, wasn’t it? I hadn’t even thought about it until just now.”

  Lucian inclines his head. “Yes, that was our first meeting. He had just received confirmation that you were his daughter and he wanted to see you.” With a wry smile, he adds, “I thought he was going to kick my ass when he noticed the cuts and bruises on your face.” Lucian looks solemn, thinking. “Then it became obvious to me that he had no idea you’d been abused by your mother and that you had just been released from the hospital.” He takes one of my hands in his. “I’m not trying to defend his absence from your life, baby, but he was devastated when I told him some of what you’d endured. I apologize because I know that wasn’t my place, but I was just so damned angry at him for not being around to protect you.”

  He looks so tormented that I put my other hand on top of his. “It’s okay. I did pretty much the same thing for that reason when he and I talked.” Taking a deep breath, I add, “But you should have told me at that point, Luc. I know I was a basket case, but that was too big to keep from me. He even showed up when we were having dinner at Leo’s. That wasn’t an accidental meeting, was it?”

  “No, I have little doubt that he was there to see you,” Lucian agrees. “He was tired of being put off and needed you to know who he was. I think he also wanted to have some time with you while you weren’t on your guard with him. He’s a very successful and influential man, but
I could tell how impressed he was with you. I wouldn’t have guessed it of a man like Lee, but his pride in your accomplishments was obvious that night, at least to me.”

  Instead of voicing further anger and frustration over what he had kept from me, I put that aside for a moment, wanting to appease some of my curiosity. “Did you know him before all of this?”

  Lucian seems to relax slightly as he says, “We’ve met on several occasions. I actually purchased the apartment from his company.” I gasp in surprise, knowing the price tag must have been in the millions. “He and I aren’t friends, just acquaintances.”

  I don’t particularly want to voice the thought I’m most anxious about, but I know I have to ask. “What type of man is he?” Lucian is now shifting nervously, which makes me uneasy. I’m not sure if I even want to hear the answer to my question at this point.

  “As I said, I don’t know him that well. He is quite well known in North Carolina and the surrounding areas, I would imagine. He appears to have varied and vast business interests and holdings.”

  Disappointed, I ask, “So you don’t know anything about his personal life?”

  I can almost see the denial on the tip of his tongue before he seems to think better of it. “To my knowledge, he has never been married nor does he have any children—other than you. He does seem to be close to his brother Peter, though.” Pinching the bridge of his nose before meeting my eyes, he adds, “I don’t know how much truth there is to it, but I’ve heard rumors that Lee used to operate in very gray areas.”

  My gut clenches as I whisper, “Are you saying he’s a…criminal?” Oh, my God, could my long-lost father have made an appearance in my life only for me to learn that he is no better than my mother? Even though I had been in shock for most of our earlier encounter, he had seemed to care about my feelings—or at least he’d put on a good show. I feel almost sick as I wait for Luc’s answer.