Always Loving You Read online

  Suzy and Ava had never spent any time alone before they had been Ella’s whipping board at the hospital on Saturday. After being called all sorts of creative forms of whore with her coworker, Ava felt that their relationship had moved well past acquaintance to friends. “Hey, slut.” Suzy smiled, seeming genuinely happy to see her.

  “Hey, tramp,” Ava teased in return. Just a week ago, she couldn’t have imagined calling anyone something like that so easily, but Ella had certainly changed that for them. Ava was secretly afraid that now she would start using the word “whore” as if it were a common, household word.

  After studying her menu, Suzy glanced up long enough to say, “You look like you got lucky sometime recently. Care to elaborate?”

  Ava’s mouth dropped open as she stared at the other woman’s head in shock. “Wh-what?”

  Still not looking up, Suzy said, “Oh, come on, you’re all loose and relaxed. No offense, but before, you were so tense and frustrated that I wanted to go into the nearest closet and masturbate for you.”

  Ava gawked as Suzy finally looked up at her. Eventually, she gave a resigned huff before saying, “I can see why you and Emma get along so well. Neither of you believes in holding anything back.”

  Suzy shrugged. “I blame it on my parents. Years of distance and many self-help books have led me to the conclusion that I had to shock them with my words to get any attention, be it good or bad. Anyway, back to you. So you obviously had sex with someone. Can I assume it was Mac?”

  Ava flushed before reminding herself that she had arranged the lunch date for precisely this reason. After admitting to Suzy that she had slept with Mac, she skimmed over the details even though Suzy insisted that she elaborate on a few things. “Yes—er . . . he was very—you know—big.”

  Suzy banged her fist against the table, yelling, “I knew it!” loud enough to have every head in the restaurant turning toward them.

  “Oh my God,” Ava moaned as she slid down farther in her chair.

  “Oops. Sorry about that.” When one particularly nosy couple kept staring at them, Suzy stared back. “Hey, show’s over, buddy. Eyes back in the front.” The couple gasped before turning abruptly away. Thankfully, Suzy’s voice dropped considerably when she turned back to Ava. “So, he was big and he went downtown, yay! Since you look like you’re about to stroke out over there, I’ll let you off the hook for now. Did you stay afterward?”

  Ava propped her head in her hands, finally getting to the part that was bothering her. “Yeah, I did. It was already morning anyway. We slept late and when we got up, Mac made me breakfast. He kissed me good morning, which was good—very good. As we were eating, I felt like I should make some attempt at mentioning plans for the day so he wouldn’t feel as if I was expecting him to entertain me . . . even though I wanted to stay with him. So I said that I needed to run errands and do laundry.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “He said, ‘Good deal. Call me later on if you think of it.’ I sat there trying not to look disappointed that he didn’t seem to care if I stayed or not. I mean . . . I thought we would, you know, do it again and spend the day together.”

  “Hmm,” Suzy mused, “did he kiss you good-bye? I mean, not just a kiss on the cheek, but a tongue-swallowing kind of kiss.”

  Ava shifted around in her seat before admitting, “He kissed me like he wanted to inhale me. He was excited, I could feel that. But then he just let me go.”

  “So, did you call him last night?”

  Nodding, Ava said, “I called him before bed, and we talked for almost two hours. He said he missed me, but he didn’t ask me to come over. I would have, you know. I’d have jumped out of bed and gone to him right then if he had given me any indication that he wanted that. So, what do you think? Am I doing something wrong?”

  “Shit, I don’t know.” Suzy grimaced. “I mean, I’m not exactly a poster child for romance. My first steady boyfriend and fiancé cheated on me with his dentist, and Gray pursued me with the same single-minded determination that he does everything. He didn’t exactly send me any mixed signals; he made sure I knew exactly what he wanted every time we were together. I never have to wonder if he wants me or if he’s in the mood, because he’s always in the mood—always.”

  Confused, Ava looked at Suzy in shock. “But . . . you give everyone advice. You’re like the Danvers dating guru. Am I’m such a hopeless case that you’re stumped?”

  Suzy patted Ava’s shoulder. “No, crap no, that’s not it at all.” Looking strangely uneasy, she said, “It’s just that you’ve been through a lot, Ava, and I don’t want to do anything to mess this up for you. You deserve to be happy, and you seem so close to making that happen. I’m just afraid of giving you the wrong piece of advice and screwing something up.” Shredding the paper napkin she had gripped in her hands, Suzy continued. “Sometimes, when you didn’t think anyone was looking, I saw the pain that you try so carefully to hide. I’m a people watcher, always have been. Not sure how I missed the signs that my ex was cheating on me, though. That one’s still a mystery.”

  Ava was uncomfortable at the thought of someone studying her so closely, but also strangely touched that Suzy seemed to care about what happened to her. Squeezing the other woman’s hand briefly, she swallowed the lump in her throat and attempted to lighten the mood. “Thank you . . . for caring. But if we put my past issues aside and pretend that I’m, say . . . Emma, what would you tell me to do?”

  Suzy narrowed her eyes, seeming to give the question serious consideration. “Well, I guess if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. In other words, all the stuff that you’ve been doing to get Mac’s attention seems to be working like a charm. You’ve had sex—obviously the wonderful, dirty kind—and he’s no longer with G-lo, so you hold all the cards now. Did you have something else planned to drive him crazy?”

  “Well, I’m supposed to have a surf lesson today.”

  Suzy cringed immediately. Emma’s sister’s death was still fresh in all their minds. “I don’t think that’s the best idea. Couldn’t you come up with anything else?”

  “I know.” Ava sighed. “But living in a beach town means most of the activities here revolve around the beach. I’m going to cancel it.”

  “Hey, I’ve got it! How about parasailing? I’ve done it a few times before and it’s awesome. I could go with you. They’ll even let us go up together. It’s just down the beach from our house, so you could come over this afternoon and we’ll walk there.”

  “And Gray doesn’t freak out over you doing stuff like that?”

  Suzy grinned, looking completely mischievous. “Well, of course he freaks out, but he knows he can’t change me. He just makes it his mission to catch me if I fall.”

  “It sounds scary,” Ava admitted, “but kinda fun.”

  “Best part, Gray has been saying for a week that he needs to get Mac to come over because he wants to upgrade our security system. I’ll suggest he do that this evening while I’m out. Actually, I’ll insist on it.”

  Feeling embarrassed, Ava asked, “You aren’t going to tell Gray why, are you? I mean, I have to face him over a conference table at least once a week. I don’t want him to think I’m some desperate woman trying to pick up a man. Even though I guess I am.”

  Shaking her head, Suzy smiled. “Nah, I won’t tell him. He’s a little gun-shy on the whole matchmaking thing after having his brother and my sister making out secretly in our house for weeks before we found out. I still think about them screwing on our kitchen counter when I’m in there, but what are you going to do? It happened.”

  Ava choked on her sip of tea at Suzy’s matter-of-fact analysis of Nick and Beth’s courtship. She could easily picture both Gray and Suzy avoiding their kitchen like the plague. “Oh my God, that’s funny. Poor Nick and Beth.”

  “Poor them? Shit, poor us! I’d burn the place down if I didn’t love it so much.”

  Their food arrived and after taking a few bites, Ava asked, “So, what time should
I be at your house?”

  “Can you be there around five thirty? You can wear one of my swimsuits to keep from going home first.”

  Ava tried not to imagine what a swimsuit of Suzy’s might possibly look like. She’d have to borrow a T-shirt to put over it. “Sure, that sounds good.”

  “Cool, now get out your phone and text something naughty to Mac. Just to let him know where your head is.”

  Her sandwich dropped back onto her plate with a thump as her eyes widened. “Wh-what?”

  “You did say for me to give you the same advice that I would Emma. Well, that’s what I would tell her. All men love hearing that you’re thinking of THAT. Trust me, I practice what I preach. Gray gets some interesting texts and it never fails to make for a memorable evening.”

  Despite herself, Ava was intrigued. She’d never done anything like that, since she’d never actually had a boyfriend. It did sound fun, though, just like something someone normal would do. “So, what would I say?”

  Suzy winked at her, saying, “Well, the last one I sent Gray said something like ‘thinking of you while I touch myself,’ but since he knows you’re at work or in this case at lunch, it might be harder to pull that one off—but not impossible, mind you. Maybe we should start off kind of mild, just so this first text doesn’t send him over the edge. How about . . . ‘I know you’re busy today, but can you add one thing to your to-do list? Me’?”

  “What?” Ava shrieked. “I can’t say that!”

  “Oh, come on, why not? It’s perfect. It starts out as business and ends as a party. It’s just the right amount of sweet and sexy. I guarantee that he’ll be busting out the zipper of his pants within sixty seconds of reading that.”

  Red-faced, Ava said, “Oh . . . I can’t, I just—what would he think if I said something like that to him?”

  “Honey, what he’d think is that you want him as much as he wants you and that you’re not afraid to let him know. It’ll also shock the shit out of him in an ‘I’m so hard I could explode in my pants’ kind of way.” Eyeing Ava’s clenched expression, she let out a growl. “You aren’t going to do it, are you? Ugh, just go ahead and say something like ‘thinking of you’ or some other PG stuff.”

  Ava grabbed her cell phone before she could change her mind. It was just a text message. She and Mac had had sex. Honest-to-goodness, real sex. A text message was nothing. She needed to be comfortable joking around with him. This was the kind of thing that women in relationships did all the time, wasn’t it? Suzy had admitted to doing it with Gray. Mac had a great sense of humor; he would love something like this. With Suzy looking on in approval, she typed out the message word for word as her friend repeated it and then hit SEND. There, it was done. No turning back now.

  She really, really hoped that Mac was a lover of sexting.

  * * *

  Mac was in the middle of a staff meeting with Dom, Gage, and five of their employees when his phone chimed to alert him to a new text. When Gage started going through some new reporting procedures with the other men, Mac picked up his phone, surprised to see that it was from Ava. He smiled as he clicked on it, hoping that she wanted to see him tonight. He was still trying to honor his plan to let her control the pace of their relationship until she was more comfortable, but damn, he missed her already. His eyes almost bugged out of his head when he read—I know you’re busy today, but can you add one thing to your to-do list? Me.

  “Fuck me.” Mac had no idea that he had uttered those words aloud until all heads at the table swiveled his way.

  Gage looked at him in question before giving him a sarcastic grin. “Something you wanted to add?”

  “Um—no. All good here,” he grumbled in reply. Shifting uneasily in his chair, he tried to alleviate the ache in his crotch where his cock was now pushing painfully against his zipper. He didn’t think he’d ever had a problem with fighting wood during a meeting with the guys before and it was damn disconcerting. Even Dom was giving him a funny look. Thank God there was no way that they could see what was happening to him under the table.

  As if it hadn’t done enough damage the first time, he looked at the text message again, needing to make sure that he had read it correctly. Yeah, shit, there was no mistaking what she had said. He desperately wanted to run from the room, go straight upstairs, rip her panties off, and fuck her on the top of her well-organized desk. Instead, with a none-too-steady hand, he texted back My house tonight, eight. His hand hovered over the SEND button before deciding on a little payback. He added two words before hitting SEND—No panties.

  The rest of the meeting passed by in a blur. He was grateful that he had been the first to speak and had finished the items on his agenda before Ava’s text. As it was, he was so scattered that both Gage and Dom had gone from looking curious to downright concerned. Wanting to avoid the questions that he knew would be coming, he’d gathered his stuff and left early for his next appointment. At moments like this he hated the fact that the men he worked with were like a bunch of nosy, gossiping women.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Suzy was already wearing a green string bikini when Ava arrived at her house after work. She handed Ava a black bikini that looked similar in style. “Er . . . do you have anything else—like maybe a one-piece?”

  Suzy shook her head, before pushing her toward a bathroom off the hallway. “No, of course not. If I did, I wouldn’t let you wear it. Mac doesn’t want to see you dressed like his mother. You’ve got a banging body; you need to show it off.”

  Ava knew it was futile to argue. Instead she took the swimsuit and quickly changed. She looked at herself in the mirror and decided that even though it looked okay, she’d never felt so exposed in her whole life. Was anyone ever really comfortable in a swimsuit on the beach in front of dozens of people? Ugh! “Do you have a shirt or something I can put over this?” she yelled back through the door.

  “No,” Suzy yelled back. “Come on out, we’ve got to go. And don’t put your clothes back on over that suit!”

  Ava gaped at the door, wondering how the other woman had known that she was considering doing exactly that. Grumbling under her breath, she picked her clothing up and walked out the door. She came to an abrupt halt when she spotted Gray standing in the living room grabbing what looked like a handful of Suzy’s butt.

  Ava had started to edge backward, trying to make her escape before being spotted, when Gray’s eyes landed on her. He smiled at her apologetically before swatting his wife’s ass lightly and saying,“behave yourself, minx. You are embarrassing your partner in crime.” Suzy spun around, narrowing her eyes as she saw Ava clutching her discarded clothing to her chest. She noticed that Gray still kept a possessive arm wrapped around Suzy’s waist, seeming to want to be in constant contact with some part of her. They were the sexiest couple that Ava had ever seen.

  “Ready, chica?” Suzy asked, before leaning up to kiss her husband. “We’ll be back in a few hours, babe. You’ve got Mac coming over, right?”

  Gray looked from his wife to Ava and then back again. “Mmm-hmm. Mac seemed a little surprised that I needed to meet him this evening just to discuss an upgrade. Neither he nor I could discern why it was suddenly so earth-shakingly important to my beautiful wife.” When Suzy just gave him her best innocent look, he shook his head in resignation. Kissing the top of her head, he said, “Be safe, baby.”

  When Gray walked off into another room, Suzy wrestled the clothing from her hand and threw it into a nearby armchair. “Come on, drop the body armor. We’re going out onto a beach. There are many people with swimsuits on. It doesn’t matter who you are or what size you wear, just own it. Confidence is sexy.” With those words, Suzy pulled her out onto the deck and then down the steps that led to the beach.

  Ava felt naked with strangers around but tried to take Suzy’s words to heart. Was it as simple as just seeing yourself a certain way? Even though she had been told she was attractive, a part of her had always felt ugly . . . since that night. She thought if she e
xposed too much skin, she was asking for bad things to happen to her. She had lived with the fear for years that she had somehow been responsible for her assault. Had she given him the wrong idea by how she dressed and the things she said? All the books said no. That there was never anything you could do to justify those acts of violence, but deep down inside, the doubts festered.

  Being exposed like this now, for strangers to see, was almost paralyzing. Sure, she had worn more revealing clothes lately but always with some kind of escape plan in mind. But here and now, there was no car near, there was nothing to hide behind. If she freaked out and ran, everyone would see . . . Suzy would see.

  Ava had no idea that she had stopped walking until Suzy put hand on each of her arms, shaking her lightly. “I don’t think . . . ,” she began to explain before letting the words trail off. Why? Why couldn’t she stop being afraid?

  “Hey,” Suzy said quietly, “listen to me. I know you’re all up in your head right now. Trust me, I recognize the signs. I’m not going to force you to see this through. But I will promise you this: I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t leave your side. We don’t have to parasail today. We can just hang out. No one is going to bother you; I’ll make sure of that.”

  Ava studied her new friend for a minute, seeing nothing but sincerity in her eyes. If there had been one ounce of pity, Ava would have collapsed, but somehow Suzy’s strength fueled her own. She really looked at her surroundings for the first time, seeing other women on the beach dressed just as she was. She didn’t stick out here. No one was looking at her; she was just another face in the crowd. Releasing the breath she hadn’t been aware of holding, she gave a nod of agreement and a tentative smile of reassurance. “I—okay. Can we just watch other people do the parasailing before I commit, though?”

  Doing a little victory dance, Suzy threw an arm around her shoulders. “Hell yeah, we can. If we’re being all honest and stuff, I almost pissed my pants the first time I tried it, so I’m all for taking baby steps. Most important thing is that we’re actually considering it, right? Big points for that! Hey, by the way, what was Mac’s reaction to your sext today?”